I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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