Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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