I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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