How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
