there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
