Your dad touched me again.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
