i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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