winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
