im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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