It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How does it feel to date your dad?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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