my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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