This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
