You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
