My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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