Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
