Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
