I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize