it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
