i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
