maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
