There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so explain again why im purple
no
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
