Im at strip club and am horny
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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