I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
