Don't make out with my wife yet
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
