Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
