Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
