Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
