i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
