that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
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