This girl is more easily done than said...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
