arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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