went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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