I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
