And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
