shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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