Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
