my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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