wat bout pragnant strippers??
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
