I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
