i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
