Your mouth is God's brothel.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
