she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
