I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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