Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
