dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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