I think my fart just growled at me.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
