one two three fourrrrnication!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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