she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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