Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
