Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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