I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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