hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize