how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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