It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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