how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
