I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i came on her dog
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
