I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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