After last night, I could never be a politician.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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