don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The ass gains better be worth it
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