your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
