I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
