im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
