Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
