I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
ok first of all what the fuck
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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