i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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